I'm going to make my own exercise video....
.
.
....and it's going to change the workout video industry. I've recently started working out again due to all the free time since school has ended. It started out on a regular basis, with a regular routine, but that became boring. So, I came up with a solution.
You only have to work out before you see a hot girl/girlfriend/boyfriend/hot guy. This way, when they ring your bell, you can embrace them with open, recently swollen arms and pectorals (nobody cares about the legs).
The video, "How To Be Swell" will show you 10 techniques to look and feel stronger than you actually are (results are temporary). Here's a peek into what you'll learn:
1.
Do 30 push-ups really fast 7-10 minutes before your girlfriend/hot girl shows up.
2.
While going for a walk, bend your arm in an L, slightly flexing. When she drapes her arm through yours, she will feel your lumber cutters. Don't flex too hard, she'll think you can't breathe.
3.
While in crowded areas (concerts, picnics, riots, cult meetings), flex your ass cheeks when attractive woman/girlfriend walks by. "Wow, he's a hard-ass"........shhhh, it's your secret.
4.
Chew gum and chew it hard. It'll make you look like you have a really strong jaw. I don't know what that means but Brad Pitt has it.
5.
Wear shirts that are painfully tight in the armpits. This is like a rubberband on your finger, minus the turning purple part. Your arms will swell up like The Incredible Hulk.
6.
Get in the shower. Make sure your hot girl/girlfriend gets to your house before you get out of the shower. When she asks why you were in the shower, respond as though you are still out of breath from such a streneous workout, "Workin' out, ya know".
7.
Before people arrive at your home/gym, perform number 5. Then go into your basement and put a ton of weights on your benchpress. When your guests arrive, ask them to play darts or ping pong. They will see that you can bench 500 pounds and be amazed. It's believeable because you have the swollen, blood deprived arms.
8.
Crack your neck. Cracking your neck means you're strong and you don't take shit from nobody.
9.
While walking in crowds or at a bar, stick your chest out and don't smile. Smiling is a sign of weakness. Chicks only dig guys with big pecs and short tempers.
10.
While sitting on a couch or chair, place the bicep on the armrest. Place it in such a way as to "flatten and stretch" the bicep. This will make your arm look friggen huge. This is dangerous however. Removing the arm will reveal your weakness.
Be sure to include this dialogue in each technique:
Attractive Lady/Gent: "Have you been working out?"
You: "Eh."
Attractive Lady/Gent: "I want you."
You: "O.K."
All of these take lots of practice to perfect. I've been doing this for years, so that makes me some sort of master. Exercising isn't about your health, it's about making you attractive to other people. So why waste your time with the soreness and stiffness that comes with working out when you can just deceive people. It's so much easier. Plus, you can use your extra time to play the new Prince of Persia game.
.
....and it's going to change the workout video industry. I've recently started working out again due to all the free time since school has ended. It started out on a regular basis, with a regular routine, but that became boring. So, I came up with a solution.
You only have to work out before you see a hot girl/girlfriend/boyfriend/hot guy. This way, when they ring your bell, you can embrace them with open, recently swollen arms and pectorals (nobody cares about the legs).
The video, "How To Be Swell" will show you 10 techniques to look and feel stronger than you actually are (results are temporary). Here's a peek into what you'll learn:
1.
Do 30 push-ups really fast 7-10 minutes before your girlfriend/hot girl shows up.
2.
While going for a walk, bend your arm in an L, slightly flexing. When she drapes her arm through yours, she will feel your lumber cutters. Don't flex too hard, she'll think you can't breathe.
3.
While in crowded areas (concerts, picnics, riots, cult meetings), flex your ass cheeks when attractive woman/girlfriend walks by. "Wow, he's a hard-ass"........shhhh, it's your secret.
4.
Chew gum and chew it hard. It'll make you look like you have a really strong jaw. I don't know what that means but Brad Pitt has it.
5.
Wear shirts that are painfully tight in the armpits. This is like a rubberband on your finger, minus the turning purple part. Your arms will swell up like The Incredible Hulk.
6.
Get in the shower. Make sure your hot girl/girlfriend gets to your house before you get out of the shower. When she asks why you were in the shower, respond as though you are still out of breath from such a streneous workout, "Workin' out, ya know".
7.
Before people arrive at your home/gym, perform number 5. Then go into your basement and put a ton of weights on your benchpress. When your guests arrive, ask them to play darts or ping pong. They will see that you can bench 500 pounds and be amazed. It's believeable because you have the swollen, blood deprived arms.
8.
Crack your neck. Cracking your neck means you're strong and you don't take shit from nobody.
9.
While walking in crowds or at a bar, stick your chest out and don't smile. Smiling is a sign of weakness. Chicks only dig guys with big pecs and short tempers.
10.
While sitting on a couch or chair, place the bicep on the armrest. Place it in such a way as to "flatten and stretch" the bicep. This will make your arm look friggen huge. This is dangerous however. Removing the arm will reveal your weakness.
Be sure to include this dialogue in each technique:
Attractive Lady/Gent: "Have you been working out?"
You: "Eh."
Attractive Lady/Gent: "I want you."
You: "O.K."
All of these take lots of practice to perfect. I've been doing this for years, so that makes me some sort of master. Exercising isn't about your health, it's about making you attractive to other people. So why waste your time with the soreness and stiffness that comes with working out when you can just deceive people. It's so much easier. Plus, you can use your extra time to play the new Prince of Persia game.
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